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Week 49
Sunday, January 20, 2019 by Ann Bloom
Life is feeling so good at the moment. I've been sleeping pretty good and you haven't been getting me up at crazy hours,  this morning we went downstairs around 6:30. You've been extra cuddly and throughout the night you've just wanted me to hold you so tight which gives me the cosiest feeling,  I do so love sleeping all snuggled up with you. Another great thing is that it's beginning to get lighter out sooner in the mornings now which is such a welcomed change!

We had breakfast and then after a little while went upstairs to give daddy some cuddles.  You are going through a mama phase where I'm the only one you want and you don't want to share me at all,  daddy wanted to cuddle your little brother Forrest but you said only you can cuddle him, its making both me and daddy laugh.  You said that when Forrest comes out you want to go back inside my womb,  I told you that I didn't think you'd fit anymore and that you would have a hard time fitting your head through the birth canal.  You also said that you can't wait for the cord to come out so that you can cut it. You must be feeling all the changes because you've been extra sensitive and emotional lately but not in a bad way or anything, I think you're just feeling a lot of different feelings.  You still get sad about Majnoon and cry for him and you've been wanting boobie more. 

Once daddy had his breakfast I went upstairs and had a beautiful meditation for a little while. Afterwards it was time to get some chores done,  & even though he's feeling a bit poorly daddy cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms (he's so amazing always doing the chores I hate!!) and once I finished with mine you and I listened to music and this morning it was all about Dead Can Dance & Trio Joubran and worked on my birth affirmation cards and you loved adding hearts to them.

Today's been a lot about preparing for your little brothers arrival. Our home birth Kit arrived last Wed and our birthing pool arrived Thur but we haven't had the opportunity to test inflate it until today so that is what we did and you found this very exciting. 

Your brother has been kicking me so much today sometimes I can see/feel a proper little foot sticking out!  You cannot stop cuddling him and me. You are getting so incredibly excited about him coming out. But I really feel that Forrest will be here soon because this morning and throughout the day when going to the bathroom I kept noticing more and more of my mucus plug,  with you I lost it while in labour all in one go so I'm not sure if this means he will be here imminently or in a few days,  but I feel this deep excitement brewing within me,  all I know is that all day I've been feeling a sense of urgency, of needing to do things and get things done & that there's not much time left until he's with us but I guess we will just have to wait and see,  I'm 38 weeks and 6 days today, you arrived at almost 41 weeks and 5 days. 

In the afternoon we headed for a little walk in the woods,  I just needed the grounding energies of the forest. You picked us treasures and even found me the most perfect walking stick, the one you found for daddy was more like a very thin twig but you were determined that he had to use it.  You were our expedition leader and you took us on an incredible adventure through the trees, up and down hills, you seemed to know exactly where you were taking us and this is something I love about you,  you have the same sense of adventure as I do when exploring new places,  you are like me and just feel the way to go.  You ended up bringing us to a stream where you managed to get your wellie stuck in thick sylt type mud and got yourself soaked. I got annoyed with myself for not putting you in your waders but because of this mishap we needed to make our way back to the car because you didn't have any extra clothes and we didn't want you to be wet and freezing,  it was bitterly cold outside. Although for me I was ready to get back home, not because I didn't want to stay out but because my body has been getting so sore and achy after our walks,  it feels like my pelvis and pubic bone just want to break open!  

You weren't that happy about leaving but on the way back to the car there was a path through the woods that looked so incredibly inviting and I said, "maybe if we go this way we will meet a troll! " then you replied and shouted,  "No!  Trolls are mean!"then all three of us argued for a little bit about whether trolls were mean or nice.  I told you they were nice and you were determined that they were mean but if I can be completely honest I think you were only saying that just so you could disagree. Daddy said he's never met a mean troll and asked you how many you had met and you said, "one." and he asked you what made him mean?  And you replied  "because he said there was a stick in my boot." And then you told us you saw one nice troll and that the nice troll didn't say anything but gave you a cuddle and a kiss.  After this conversation you were more than happy to follow the path through the woods. 

On the way home had to stop by the shop but only daddy went in and this caused the biggest giant upset that lasted way beyond him returning. You cried your little heart out screaming, "I love him! I want to go with him!" Then when we started the car to head home you became upset about your seatbelt but there was nothing wrong with it. Usually when you get this upset there's nothing anyone else can do,  you don't like to be comforted or cuddled, you just want to be left alone but today you actually let me hold your hand and then you wanted me to hold both of your hands (which wasn't the easiest position for me considering I was in the front seat but somehow I managed,  my arms and hands did go numb but I didn't mind,  I was definitely not going to let go because this was such a sweet moment for me and I was cherishing it). This time I was even able to say to you to feel the energy in our hands and to feel the Love in my hands and to breathe it in and you were actually taking it in, I could hear your little inhales and exhales. Then you wanted music and at the moment verruca salt is your favorite when we're in the car and all of a sudden you stopped being sad and were singing and rocking out while still holding my hands.  I just really feel for you when you have these giant upsets it must be so hard and overwhelming to be three!  When we got home you were being so cute and we had to stay in the car while a song finished.

Once home the rocking out and dancing to music continued, in your playlist you had more Verruca Salt,  No Doubt,  Tsunami Bomb, & Spinnerette. You've come up with some great little moves,  your dance style seems to be a bit more abstract and we absolutely love it!  

Afterwards we played another little game that you've made up where I tickle you,  then cuddle you,  then tickle you and then randomly you'll shout and say, "No! Stop tickling me!  Cuddle me!" so then I did and this time you said, "never let me go just hold me tight" which I happily did but then you said that you were majnoon and I couldn't help but feel a little sad, I'm not 100% sure you are actually sad about Majnoon,  I mean I know you are and that you are still processing it but me and daddy have both noticed that it's your go to scenario whenever you are sad about anything.

Once we finished dinner we decided to  plaster my baby bump even though it was already way past your bedtime. I had said to daddy that we didn't need to do it but he thought since we made one when I was pregnant with you that we needed to have one this time too and we both felt that if we didn't do it tonight we might miss our chance and we really wanted you to be a part of it. Even though we were tired I'm so happy we did it because all of the giggles and laughs that came from it were worth it. Afterwards you and I took a shower together and then we all cuddled up in bed and had stories and once you were asleep me and daddy went back downstairs and stayed up way too late chatting away.  It's not like me to stay up so late but for some reason I was buzzing but it was the full moon,  maybe that also had something to do with it.