I haven't been sleeping so great, and my days have been on a rotation of feeling really good to feeling too tired to function. Forrest you've been having so many restless nights where you are constantly waking up wanting to feed along with you Nixie who for the past couple of weeks have been wanting us to carry you into our bed when we go to sleep making it even harder to get any deep sleep although I do love your snuggles and waking up to your legs wrapped around me.  I know one day I will absolutely miss it! 

This morning daddy got up with Forrest around 6 so that you and I could have a little bit of a lie in which we managed to do until about 8! I felt so much better for it too,  Just those two extra hours of solid sleep makes the world of difference.  When we made it downstairs you Forrest were in such a happy mood you had been having lots of fun playing with your kitchen which we had just moved downstairs from Nixies room yesterday and you absolutely love using the pretend knife to cut up all your fruit and veg.  

Daddy made the two of you a quick breakfast and since a couple of days ago Muad'dib has been keeping us all company on the kitchen table,  normally we have a rule of no cats or humans allowed on the table but he has been poorly and had camped out on the banister upstairs and had started to constantly fall down in his sleep really injuring his legs making them bleed and anything we tried to do to lure him away from there didn't work so one night we locked him in the kitchen and it seemed to have done the trick because now he loves it there and is happy purring away wanting snuggles and even his feet are healing and you just love being able to give him snuggles too,  you are so sweet with him. 

After breakfast you and Nixie went and played with your kitchen and then did some of your puzzles and Nixie you are such an amazing big sister,  I love watching you play together and I love how encouraging you are with him.  Everytime Forrest would put the correct puzzle piece in you would start clapping and congratulating him,  the joy you get from it is so incredibly sweet! 

Today was all about nourishing ourselves. Our minds,  our bodies,  our spirits and our souls. We headed to Milford on sea to go for a walk by the sea and what a gorgeous morning it was, it started out very frosty but then the sun came out and was shining down on us and it felt so incredibly blissful.  You and Forrest had fun throwing stones into the sea.  I had fun taking some photos of the sea and enjoyed some moments of just being able to listen to the waves. I love how soothing the sea can be.  It's always exactly what I need it to be.  Forrest you were getting tired and wanted to nurse which gave me even some more moments of beautiful stillness where I was able to connect with the sea and bathe in the shining sun. Nixie you were being so affectionate coming in for cuddles and telling me that you love me and that I'm the best mum in the world..hearing you say those words to me make me cry because some days I don't feel like the best mum at all,  I'm not as patient as I want to be or I'm feeling too reactive but still you always tell me you love me.  You also had this thing where when you say I love you and I say I love you back you always have to say I love you more and then I say no I love you more and then you say no I love you the most and it can go on and on and on! It's one thing that always makes me smile.  I still remember the first time you said you loved me,  you were maybe 2.5 or a bit younger and we were in the forest close to rhinefield hotel and we were playing amongst the trees and you just looked up at me and out of the blue said "I wuv you", one of the best moments ever. 

Forrest you could have easily fallen asleep,  the sounds of the waves hitting the shore was so relaxing and I could see you drifting off but I really didn't want you to because I didn't bring a wrap and didn't want to carry you back to the car so I got us up and managed to get you excited about seaweed and mermaids purses. Also when I mentioned there were a lot of stairs to climb your ears perked up and you became so excited rushing to them. 

It wasn't long after we got home when you did finally fall asleep and I carried you into our bedroom.   You, Nixie, me and daddy took this opportunity to play the tree/leaf matching memory game which had been one of your gifts to daddy and it was so much fun playing with you!  Long gone are those days where you would get so upset if you didn't win now you cheered both me and daddy on whenever we got a match and you were being so sweet and jumping into daddy's arms each time he got a match which happened a lot,  he absolutely beat us today! 

Afterwards you and I went to the shop to get some bath bombs and some Epsom salts for our special relaxing full moon bath. You were so excited for it and loved choosing the bathbombs and of course you needed to smell each one. 

Shortly after we got back home Forrest woke up so we  decided to bake one of my favourite Swedish chocolate cakes, kladdkaka. And Forrest you cannot get enough of licking the spoon!  You love anything chocolate,  if you had a choice I think you would just live on chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner. 

Afterwards you Nixie and I had our bath,  we lit incense and did a little clearing of our energy body which you quite liked doing and then we lit the candles and got I to the bath.  We even wrote down some things we want to let go of and usually you just like to listen and watch me do it (one of the things I'm letting go of is negative self talk, especially when I'm running on a lack of sleep I tend to fall back into that horrible inner landscape and I say no more,  I'm done doing that!) and you actually said you had something you wanted to let go of which was your sadness over majnoon and Mariam.  My heart felt for you so intensely in that moment because I know how much you miss them.  You told me afterwards that it felt good.  

After our bath it was dinner and daddy was making your favourite meal in the world,  udon noodles with bock Choy and stir-fried veg. It's my favourite too.  Weve been having it every week for a couple of months now I think!  And Forrest you just always need to have boob just as I'm about to eat!  In your mind I think you think that's your dinner and that the food is your snack!  But usually after you're finished you'll then start to eat your dinner. It can be slight hard to eat at times but I also know that you won't be doing this forever so I'm doing my best to just flow with it. Then we finished up our cake and daddy made his amazing hummous, I swear we go through so much and Forrest you love love love to be the taste tester.

After dinner we had a movie night, we watched the Adams family and you, Nixie, thought the thing was the funniest thing ever. Forrest you weren't so into the movie and wanted to do your letter and number cards which you are getting so fast at! I didn't get to finish the movie because I needed to give Forrest a bath and put him into bed and since it was daddy's turn to put you to bed I ended up falling asleep not long after Forrest did.