Woke up early as usual.  Forrest, you haven't been letting me sleep that great for the last few weeks as you are clamped down on my boob's and wriggle around for hours in the early morning.  The first thing you did when you finally unlatched was to climb over me to give Nixie a snuggle,  it was so incredibly sweet! Soon after the two of you went into her room to play with her magnets. It is such a beautiful feeling to wake up and come downstairs when it's light out! Spring is definitely on it's way. 

Straight away this morning you Nixie and daddy were reading your periodic table book.  Forrest had chosen it but then wasn't interested and you were really enjoying reading about all the elements. Forrest had dragged me into the kitchen to get him a bowl of yoghurt and then came into the lounge to grab you,  it's so sweet you are truly his best friend and he won't do anything without you. Even when I give him a snack or a treat he won't be satisfied unless you have one too.  It melts me every single time,  I just love watching the love between the two of you grow and grow. 

We had a slow morning at home puttering around. Forrest you took it upon yourself to feed the tadpoles, you moved the bench and everything to be able to reach and I'm really impressed that you don't go overboard with feeding them,  you give them just the right amount. It's sweet seeing you in this role,  feeding the tadpoles used to be your sister's favourite thing in the world, sure she still loves it but now it's definitely become more of your favourite thing. You have a lot of funny things that you do,  like constantly opening the fridge door just to have a browse. It drives me crazy but I am still able to see the cuteness in it,  you get really cross with me when I make you close it.  Luckily you seem to have stopped going into the freezer and pressing the buttons and defrosting things for us! Also for the past few weeks it seems like you are making a little bit of progress with the sounds and words you can say, about a week ago you said “up” for the first time, it was your second proper word. We are trying to encourage you to use words when you want something and even though you get a bit frustrated you have been trying and it feels so amazing! The first word you ever said was “wow!” and I quite love that. Now when you want boob you are able to say “num-num” and if you want me to go somewhere you say “cmmmmm” and “k” for when you want cordial. You can also say mum/mummy but I’ve only heard you say it a few times but I know you are able to!

As much as the beautifully sunny day was making me feel good I wasn't in the best of places.  I felt a bit withdrawn and extremely drained.  I really dislike when I'm in this space especially when I want to be engaged and present with you all.  I was feeling a bit down and anxious about lockdown easing and feeling internal pressure to get so much stuff done workwise, the whole not being able to drive us places really got to me and I felt so frustrated that for this whole past year due to covid my driving test keeps getting cancelled and moved.  I was meant to have one March 24 but yet again is cancelled and probably won't get another date until the summer. But I’m trying to be positive and change the way I think about it because in a way it’s a gift to have this slower time with you both when we’re not always on the move so I’m going to try to feel joyful about our days instead of getting caught up in the feeling that we are missing out on things.

Eventually we made it out to the forest, my happy place,  whenever I get into these moods the forest or the sea is the best place for me.  We continued our search for ancient trees and today it was all about the beeches but annoyingly I forgot to take the measuring tape to measure the girth of the trees so we had to come up with an alternative way to measure them and the only thing we had were my waterproof trousers!  But it worked just fine, not the most traditional way but at least it was better than nothing. 

You, Nixie and Forrest were having such a great ol time exploring and climbing trees. Wherever you go Forrest wants to go. and Forrest I'm always so impressed with how far you're willing to walk,  you are such a trooper and you're always finding the perfect walking stick to take along with you.  You love exploring your surroundings and there were many times I would turn around to see you stopped in your tracks checking out a leaf or some kind of insect. At one point though you were getting tired and just wanted some boob and you were not very happy at all so you and I had a few little breaks while Nixie and daddy continued on search of the ancient beeches.  

Our last stop was at a truly magnificent beech,  she was awe inspiring and took my breath away.  Everything about her was perfect, I fell in love immediately and declared that this was now one of my new favourite places and that we would be coming back to this spot a lot. Her trunk was huge and there were so many nooks and crannies. You even found a shelf to put your water and fruit.  Daddy and Nixie had been busy building a pretend fire and when it was ready Nixie you came and gave us all sticks to roast our marshmallows.  We also had our first Woodtick sighting of the year,  daddy had one on his hand!  

At one point you (Forrest) wanted boob again and climbed on top of me so I just laid down on the earth and just enjoyed a bit of forest bathing. I felt so at peace. All my worries from earlier in the day just seemed to seep out of me. It was a beautiful 10 minutes that I didn't want to end. 

Soon after that we decided it was time to head back home and get dinner ready.  I had promised I'd make pancakes so that is what I did. You Nixie even took one of them and tried to make it into a heart for me. You are such a little love. You love writing me little love notes and they make me so incredibly happy! 

After we ate the two of you had an early bath so that we could have a movie night and watched the new witches movie,  you wanted daddy to see it.  We were all snuggled up under the duvet eating popcorn and Forrest you just looked so sweet!  You can actually sit still and be all chilled out for a whole movie and you're just two!  It was definitely not the same experience with your sister when she was your age! 

Once Our movie finished we all brushed our teeth and I put you (Forrest) to bed first and then it was my turn to put you (Nixie) to bed and we read another one of our Bear Gryll books.  There are 12 books in the series and were already on book number 10 and we just started reading them on the last full moon!  You absolutely love them and you are always so hyper focused when we read them. As usual I fell asleep with you and when I woke up I was so groggy that I ended up joining Forrest in bed. I was exhausted.